A few ones:
- To Jeff Dean, "NP" means "No Problemo"
- Jeff Dean's IDE doesn't do code analysis, it does code appreciation
- Jeff Dean's PIN is the last 4 digits of pi
- Google Search was Jeff Dean's Noogler Project
- Jeff Dean invented MapReduce so he could sort his fan mail
- Emacs' preferred editor is Jeff Dean
- Jeff Dean doesn't exist, he's actually an advanced AI created by Jeff Dean
- Jeff Dean compiles and runs his code before submitting, but only to check for compiler and CPU bugs
- Jeff Dean can instantiate abstract classes
- gcc -O4 sends your code to Jeff Dean for a complete rewrite
- When Jeff Dean listens to mp3s, he just cats them to /dev/dsp and does the decoding in his head
- Jeff Dean's resume lists the things he hasn't done; it's shorter that way
- Jeff Dean once implemented a web server in a single printf() call. Other engineers added thousands of lines of explanatory comments but still don't understand exactly how it works. Today that program is known as GWS
- When your code has undefined behavior, you get a seg fault and corrupted data. When Jeff Dean's code has undefined behavior, a unicorn rides in on a rainbow and gives everybody free ice cream
- When Jeff Dean says "Hello World", the world says "Hello Jeff"
- Jeff Dean traps the KILL signal
- Jeff Dean programs don't SEGFAULT. The memory rearranges itself in order to put data and code where it belongs.